I decided I needed to take my pants off. It improved my disposition greatly.

I’m just a regular woman, living in Michigan, 22 years old, 2 cats, there’s nothing extraordinary or fantastic about me, so I assume that my thoughts can’t be too exciting to anyone other than myself. But that’s quite all right, because this blog is first and foremost, for myself and nobody else. This will hold the chronicles of my boring life as I try to change myself for the better, I’m hoping to write every day, or every other day at least, but we’ll just have to see.

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Location: Grand Blanc, Michigan, United States

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms.

There comes a time when you’ve been angry and sad for so long, than you just stop feeling it. One disappointment after another tends to turn a person numb.

This morning I woke up at 5:55, realized I wouldn’t be able to sleep any longer, so I got up to do my normal morning things. Breakfast, oatmeal because my milk smells sour, no coffee, because the caffeine tends to make me panicky, and a sit down in front of my PC, mostly to check Flickr and my email.

I turn on my laptop, and low and behold, something else has gone wrong with my life. Nothing connects to the internet, I start Firefox and get stuck with the Comcast page, prompting me to install their self-install kit and “Get started on the internet”. The problem with this is, I already did this yesterday when I reinstalled windows on this piece of shit laptop. So, understandably pissed off, I call Comcast, only to have them tell me that they have “put a hold on my modem” because I have a $64.61 “delinquent” balance. In layman’s terms “Until you pay up with the money you still don’t have, you can no longer use “our” modem”.

I should be screaming mad, especially because I told my mom over a week ago that they had given me a “Courtesy Call” to tell me I had a delinquent balance. But in all honesty, I’m too sick of being outraged and upset to even feel anything.

So I cleaned the kitchen. And here I am now. Bemoaning my fate. There’s really only so many times I can complain about how the American Government is giving me the short end of the stick. Even though it’s passed the 30-90 day deadline the judge said his decision would be made in, I have not gotten a single word of response. I’m not surprised, and I’m not hopeful. If I get an answer, it will probably be after the Christmas holidays, that everyone, including the employees of the government who are supposed to be helping me, will enjoy. All except for me. That’s right, no Christmas this year, because we don’t even have the money to keep our utilities turned on.

I should be crying, I should be screaming, I should be miserable.

I can’t care anymore. I can’t even feel it anymore. Disappointment and letdowns have become such a big part of my life that they’re just everyday occurrences, like the sun rising, or the hours passing.

Anyway, I got the money from my dad paid the overdue balance and everything is hunky dory again.


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