I decided I needed to take my pants off. It improved my disposition greatly.

I’m just a regular woman, living in Michigan, 22 years old, 2 cats, there’s nothing extraordinary or fantastic about me, so I assume that my thoughts can’t be too exciting to anyone other than myself. But that’s quite all right, because this blog is first and foremost, for myself and nobody else. This will hold the chronicles of my boring life as I try to change myself for the better, I’m hoping to write every day, or every other day at least, but we’ll just have to see.

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Location: Grand Blanc, Michigan, United States

Monday, January 23, 2006

Self-esteem sickness.

So on top of everything else, the sinus headache that I got the day before yesterday appears to have only been the tip of the iceberg, I managed to stay relatively healthy all winter, but now I’m getting sick. My glands are definitely swollen, my throat is sore and dry whenever I’m not drinking something, and I’ve been drinking so much that I’m in the bathroom every 45 minutes or so. It’ll probably just be a cold, with a sinus headache and pressure, but I’m going to be sick all the same. Probably came from walking outside when going to Singhals office, or the other doctor, the one in Ortonville…I can’t remember her name. It doesn’t matter, but nobody likes being sick. And in all honesty, I want some sympathy for it.  

Lately…I’m sad. It’s probably just my situation and the weather making my depression worse, but I can’t stand it. I’m sad, lonely, and now I’m sick. I think I want to meet more people, but I’m…afraid. People hurt other people. I only know several people, so…less chance of being hurt? It doesn’t make it any less lonely though.

A got a message, earlier this morning, around…4am, a guy had seen my profile online and thought I sounded interesting, which, considering there’s a picture there, he thought that I was attractive. He’s 27, and from New York, and I suppose attractive in the way that most regular women find men attractive. It was a boost to my ego and self-esteem, a confusing boost, but a boost none-the-less. I don’t think I’ll ever find myself attractive, even if decent looking men in New York do.

My New Years Resolutions haven’t been going all to well. I have been reading more, definitely, but only because of a lack of anything else to do really. I can’t sit online waiting for Tricia, Hikari, Ann, or Kinny to get online all day and night, so I’ve been reading. I’m about 2/3 of the way through “Interview With The Vampire”, I’ve been putting off re-reading those books, because I met Lara the first time I did.

I decided to stop reading for tonight, and I’ve been watching “House M.D.” I’ll get it on DVD when I have money again, so I can watch it any time, without having my laptop in my lap. Unfortunately, the other show I felt like downloading, “Medical Investigation” only seems to have interested Spanish and French people, because those are the only languages the torrents are available in. Blah. I need to find something else to watch.


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