I decided I needed to take my pants off. It improved my disposition greatly.

I’m just a regular woman, living in Michigan, 22 years old, 2 cats, there’s nothing extraordinary or fantastic about me, so I assume that my thoughts can’t be too exciting to anyone other than myself. But that’s quite all right, because this blog is first and foremost, for myself and nobody else. This will hold the chronicles of my boring life as I try to change myself for the better, I’m hoping to write every day, or every other day at least, but we’ll just have to see.

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Location: Grand Blanc, Michigan, United States

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Wanna sleep for a thousand years...

There are serious flaws in the human body, I think.

I should have started my period already. It’s been at the very least, 32 days since my last cycle. I’ve had cramps the past three days, I spotted once, but it really should have happened.

I’ve been sort of moody and upset since March 14th, when I decided that I needed to start dating. I’ve e-mailed at least 10 people from yahoo personals, and gothic personals, and only one of them has responded to me. This has not had a good effect on my self-esteem. The responder, of course, was Shaun, but a few days ago I found that he had met another girl on the same day that he had met me, and he’s been spending hours talking to her on internet phone.

I’m disappointed. I was really looking forward to meeting Shaun, and perhaps starting to date him, but now all I can think is that the other girl obviously has more in common with him, and he’s going to start a relationship with her instead. On top of the fact that none of the other people I e-mailed even bothered to give him a courtesy response of “No thank you” or “I’m not interested”, I’m a little bitter.

I’m not going to give up mind you, if he asks me out, I’ll go out with him, but my self-image, self-esteem, and subconscious isn’t giving me much of a hopeful outlook.

Two decent things have happened because of a slightly elevated mood in the past few days though. I tried out a new shampoo and conditioner in the anticipation of a date, and I’m very pleased with the way it makes my hair look and feel. Secondly, I’ve been cooking more, and I’ve discovered exactly how much I like to cook with tofu. I’ve made 2 stir-fries in the past week or so, and I bought more tofu and veggies to make a third, as well as a block of tofu for “Marinated Tofu Cutlets”, a recipe I found at www.vegweb.com.

I haven’t exercised in the past two days, in anticipation of my period, and I’m frustrated. Though I must be bloated by now, my weight is staying steady. I’m not gaining. I have high hopes that when I finish my period, I’ll be 225 or under.

I went over an old journal of mine and found some important (at least to me) information.

Haiiro joined my family on September 16th, and Kage joined on April 27th. So now I know what days to celebrate their birthdays on.

Rachel was sweet and bought me a subscription to “The Puzzle Society” which gives me access to several thousand crossword puzzles. I like crossword puzzles, it might be a waste of time like anything else done online, but at least I learn trivia while I’m doing them.

So yesterday, my mom and I went out to do some errands. We went to Kroger to return 10 dollars worth of bottles, went to Big Lots to pick up a few things, even though I hate those kind of scummy stores, I did get a replacement razor for 2 dollars. For some reason I threw away the razor handle for my Venus, I still have a whole box of refills though. After that we went to Detroit Edison for my mom to pay her electric bill, then Meijer for groceries. I had a decent time grocery shopping, got a good amount of food, and all the ingredients for the Tofu cutlet recipe that I want to try out. I also bought a box of “Pirates of the Caribbean” cereal, because I was completely enamored with the pictures of Johnny Depp plastered on the box.

I fell asleep at around…2:30 to 3:00pm yesterday, after the grocery shopping and such, and woke up at midnight or so, then decided I didn’t want to be awake. I forced myself back to sleep, on and off, until around 3am. I had odd dreams about school, and a really creepy situation.

I could have SWORN that I took the water bottle away from my gerbils before I went to sleep, because they were banging it against the edge of the cage and keeping me up, but when I woke up, it was still in their cage. I’m a little uneasy about the fact that I either imagined taking it out, or put it back in without my knowing it.

So, that’s all there is to it. Today I ought to do some laundry, make a loaf of banana bread, and do the dishes. It’d also be fantastic if I could FUCKING START MY PERIOD…but my body hates me, so I’m sure it’ll drag out until the end of the month.

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