I decided I needed to take my pants off. It improved my disposition greatly.

I’m just a regular woman, living in Michigan, 22 years old, 2 cats, there’s nothing extraordinary or fantastic about me, so I assume that my thoughts can’t be too exciting to anyone other than myself. But that’s quite all right, because this blog is first and foremost, for myself and nobody else. This will hold the chronicles of my boring life as I try to change myself for the better, I’m hoping to write every day, or every other day at least, but we’ll just have to see.

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Location: Grand Blanc, Michigan, United States

Monday, June 26, 2006

A Day Without Rain

It’s kind of dreary out today, looks like rain. It’d be nice if it rained; I think my Hibiscus likes the rainwater better than tap water. It’s always blooming up a storm after it rains. Plus it’s muggy today, not that muggy in Michigan is a new or novel concept, but rain would be nice; wash away the muggy, wash away the heat, give reason for the mucky dreary sky.

I’m really glad my pdoc cut me down to 100mg of Seroquel. My sleeping patterns have never been so steady. I consistently go to bed between 2 and 4am, and consistently wake up around 1-2pm. For a lot of people this might not be the ideal schedule, but it’s perfect for me. My mom is getting use to it, she’s finally resigned herself to the idea that I will never be awake at 9 in the morning to do things with her.

When I woke up today, at 12:45pm, my mom was waiting in the living room. Apparently she didn’t want to sit around the house at home, so she came over here to sit around while I was asleep. At least she didn’t wake me. I woke, I got dressed, and we made our way to Meijers to buy groceries. My mom, being the genius that she is, hadn’t eaten yet at 12:45, even though she’d been up since 8 or so.

So we stopped at Burger King first, even though she insisted she wasn’t hungry. I don’t know if she’s hungry or not, I’m not walking through a grocery store with my mom on an empty stomach. We have very different shopping styles, she goes in there military-like with itemized list, which has every single item lumped together depending on where it is in the store. If her items are not there, she gets angry, if there are too many people in the store she gets angry, if I’m taking too long (which is very likely, to her at least) she gets angry.

I, on the other hand, meander around the store patiently looking at every item that I could possibly be interested in. I never bring a list, but I rarely ever forget what I’ve come to the store looking for. Two things I needed for sure were Balsamic Vinegar and Vegetable Broth, and sure enough, when I came to that aisle, I quickly remembered it. Grocery shopping is a tactile experience! You have to squish the fruit and pick up the boxes to see how heavy they are. But that’s just me.

We got 50 food stamp dollars worth of food, all very healthy and tasty looking stuff. I’ve eaten a Luna Bar, and leftover chicken fried rice (not the type from a restaurant mind you, I made it myself, from a bag :D) and have drunk a bottle of water. I’ve got all this lovely tasty low-calorie, low-fat food, and all I want is a bar of Hershey’s chocolate! How do you do it? How can you train yourself to be satisfied with fruits and healthy snacks, when every nerve in your body is craving for a little bit of chocolate.

Granted I know that eating a little chocolate won’t be the death of me, I even have some of these. 60 calories for the perfect taste of dark chocolate; but I’m not certain it would satisfy me. I ate a lot of junk food when I was a child, and though I reformed, I’m slowly slipping back into my old ways, and I don’t like it. Sweets are lovely and good but I sometimes wish I had no taste buds so wouldn’t be tempted by triple chocolate cake.

Other than inexplicably normal cravings for sweets and junky foods, things seem fine. I’m bored, but that’s nothing new. I could read, but I’d rather not. I could play a video game, but again, I haven’t the drive. Ideally, Kinny would get online right now, and we could roleplay for a long while. It’s been a while since I really indulged myself in a good RP, and since Kinny has been such an absolute doll to play my current object of affection for me, I’m craving her presence all the more.

Hmm, so much talk about nothing...ah! It's raning now...


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