I decided I needed to take my pants off. It improved my disposition greatly.

I’m just a regular woman, living in Michigan, 22 years old, 2 cats, there’s nothing extraordinary or fantastic about me, so I assume that my thoughts can’t be too exciting to anyone other than myself. But that’s quite all right, because this blog is first and foremost, for myself and nobody else. This will hold the chronicles of my boring life as I try to change myself for the better, I’m hoping to write every day, or every other day at least, but we’ll just have to see.

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Location: Grand Blanc, Michigan, United States

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Me: In Review

Let’s start from the beginning about what’s going on with me lately.
First and foremost; it has been decided that I am moving back in with my mother and stepfather in October. The cost of keeping me in an apartment is so great that my mother is forty thousand dollars in debt, and my father is not going to let that happen to him as well. The money is gone, I do not have Medicaid, the only thing I really do have is the food stamps, 156 dollars worth of food a month.

I do not want to move back into my mother’s house. I don’t like the house; I don’t like being around her consistently. I love my mother, there is no disputing that, but I can really only take her in small doses.

My old room was converted into my stepfather’s room. It’s been painted blue and fitted with hardwood flooring. The blue paint I can deal with, but I don’t like hardwood flooring in any room other than the kitchen. I’ll have to have rugs. All of my things will be going in storage except for what will fit into my old room. Television, video games, laptop, and several bookshelves…some of my kitchen items will fit in my mom’s kitchen, and the rest will go into storage. I’ll keep my teas and other heat-able drinks in my bedroom. I’ll have a twin bed, so I will have more room in my bedroom. Both cats and both gerbils, providing they survive, will also be coming with me.

It doesn’t seem so bad from the outside, and, in the end, I’ve pretty much given up fighting against it. But it just makes me sad. I’ve spent three years living in apartments, and I’ve relished the freedom. My sleeping patterns are not normal, because I choose to stay up late. Currently I’m going to bed around 3-4 in the morning, and waking up between 12:45 and 2pm in the afternoon. It’s stable enough; I’m sleeping 9 hours as opposed to 10, 12, or 14. Maybe I’m being childish; maybe I’m being selfish. I’m not happy that my mom has lost all this money, and that we’re living on the poverty range right now, but I don’t want things to change; even if it’s only for a short period of time. I don’t want to move back home. I was never happy there; I was never comfortable there.

Secondly: My moods are acting up. I’m somewhat fatigued, somewhat depressed, pretty EMPTY generally. Apathetic? I haven’t been doing much, haven’t had the motivation for it. I’ve watched TV, read websites, played video games, even cooked a little, but that’s about it.

Lexa came over and we watched movies together a while ago. We watched “Hook”, “Pirates of the Caribbean”, “Casanova”, “The Brothers Grimm”, and “Muppet Treasure Island”. We had Hawaiian Barbeque Pizza and Strawberry Pie. It was fun, it always is, and I did my best to call her by her new name. (Lexa used to be Rosi, she changed her first, middle, and last name sometime a couple years ago.) I’ve been really reluctant to call her by her new name, because I think she changed it for silly reasons, and because, simply, I’ve always known her as Rosi. But, she is one of my best friends, and I should respect her decision.

I finally got to talk to Tricia again, which I really needed. I’ve missed her so much while her PC wasn’t working. All is well in Tricia-land (a.k.a.) Canada, and she’s happy to see me too.

Lastly: I’m on my period. And I hate it. I’m drained, bleeding, and the very epitome of the word “BLEH”


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